Bakura and the evil beepy thing of doom
by Shadow over Egypt
Summary: Who ever knew that Bakura could ever be afraid of a little thing that beeped? Alas for him, his little voices aren't helping much either...


Shadow: Well, I-

Marik: (Bouncing on sofa) Boingyboingyboingyboingy, boingyboingboingyboingy, boingboingyboingy, Oh, boingyboingyBOING!

Shadow: Will you stop that?!

Marik: Oh a, Boingyboingyboingyboingy, a-

Shadow: Marik! I'm warning you! Stop 'boingying'!

Marik: Fine. (sulks)

Shadow: There. That's better. Anyway I-

Marik: Can I sing?

Shadow: Not right now.

Marik: Can I sing later?

Shadow: Yes, now can I-

Marik: Can I hum?

Shadow: Later, now can-

Marik: Can I la?

Shadow: NO! JUST LET ME FINISH MY SENTENCE!

Marik: (cringes) Okay.

Shadow: (smiles) Good. Now that we've finally decided we're not going to have any _interruptions_ (glares pointedly at 'boingyer'), I can finally babble on about why I wrote this thing. Basically, my computer's broke. I don't have time to write really long chapters for my fics, so I write short, pointless, bundles of crap/fluff/sap (any of the above). Suddenly, I was hit with an idea!

Marik: The crater's still in the garden....

Shadow: Why not write Bakura's adventures with the all time favourite, 'The beepy thing of doom'? Quite a few people liked the idea in my fic 'Four Hours', so why not write the whole adventure out separately? Here we go!!!!

Notes:

_Italics_ are Bakura's thoughts.

_(Blah.) _'Main' Bakura's voice

_#Blah# _Other little voice no 1

_-Blah.- _Other little voice no 2

_/Blah./ _Other little voice no 3

Marik: Enjoy!

* * *

**Bakura and the evil beepy thing of doom (Extracts from Four Hours)**

Bakura grinned and clambered over the windowsill and into the Mutou's living room. Really, that had been too easy. Who in their right minds, would go out and leave their windows wide open when the Thief King was in the district? It was insanity. Even more so when it was the _Mutou's _house.

_(Home of the stuck up prat of a Pharoah and his little hikari. Also home to quite a few ancient egyptian relics which would be worth quite a considerable sum on the black market.)_

_#Stupid Pharoah.#_ A small voice squeaked in his head.

Bakura nodded. (_I agree.)_

_#Of course you agree! I'm you!#_

_(You're not me.)_

_#Am so.#_

_(But you're not. I'M me.)_

_#I'm you too.#_

_(But YOU can't be me. ME is me! No one else can be me!)_

_#But I'm you's me too!#_

_(My head hurts...)_

_#So does mine...#_

The Thief King shook his head. (_Do you have a head????... I can't believe I'm arguing with myself.)_

_#See?! You admitted it! You're arguing with yourself! I'm you!#_ The little voice was jubilant.

_(Whatever.)_

_-Exactly. CONCENTRATE. We came here to steal from the Pharoah, not gossip.-_

The albino groaned. _(Not ANOTHER one!)_

_/Another what?/ _A curious voice queried.

Bakura moaned and buried his head in his hands.

_-/# What's up with him?#/-

* * *

_

Bakura glanced at a fragile-looking vase. He craned over the table to look at it.

_(Wonder if that's breakable...)_

Suddenly, Bakura overbalanced. He grabbed the table to steady himself...and knocked the vase off it. The tomb-robber dived and caught the vase before it hit the floor and in doing so whacked his elbows.

_(Phew.)_

_/Clumsy./_

_(Shut up. I'll just put this back...)_

The albino stood up but, as he was doing so, his head banged off the table and caused him to drop the vase. It smashed into glittering fragments on the carpet.

_-Well... at least that answered your question...-_

_#It's useless now anyways.#_

_/Yeah, it's a tad broken.../

* * *

_

The sunlight streaming through the window glinted off something shiny in the corner of the room. Curious, Bakura went to investigate. He picked up the shiny object and looked at it in wonder. He hadn't see anything like one of these things before.

_(It's a small box thing.)_

_/Oh brilliant deduction Sherlock!/_

The tomb-robber growled. _(Well YOU tell us what it is then!)_

_/It's clearly a- umm... a.../_

_(Well?)_

_/It's clearly a three-dimensional cubiod capable of reflecting solar radiation and using a supplied power to apply itself to it's designated task./_

_(Huh?!)_

_- Basically, it's a shiny box thing that uses batteries.-_

_(Oh.)

* * *

_

The thief scrutinised the box in his hand. He'd got no idea what it was used for. (_What on earth does this thing do?)_

_#Let's consider the possibilities.#_

_(WHAT possibilities?)_

_#Ah.. We might have a slight problem there....#_

_/Well let's take note of what it looks like and see if we can come up with a vague idea./_

_- Good idea. Bakura, look and tell us what you see.-_

_(I see a shiny box.)_

The voice faltered. _/I- er- that's very good Bakura. But now describe what's ON the box./_

_(Okay...)_

There was a pause.

_(Well, it's got a space for batteries.)_

_# It's clearly a handheld device then.#_

_/Of course, quite clearly./_

_(Since when were voices in my head British?)_ Bakura was suspicious.

_/Why can't we be British?/_

_(I...umm..don't know.)_

_# There you are then. Now, describe the electronic item.#_

_(Elec-?)_

_- The box, Bakura.-_

_(Oh, yeah... well it's got a screen, and little buttons with numbers, letters and squiggles on.)_

_#Very good.#_

_- It's probably some kind of portable organiser.-_

_/But what are the squiggles?/_

_- Who are we to question the science behind squiggles?-_

_# Does science cover squiggles?#_

_-Has to. It covers everything in the entire being of existence.-_

_(Where did you learn that?)_

_-Off Ryou's Physics teacher.-_

_#Cool. So what is the science behind squiggles?#_

_-There are many things in this universe not understood by man, many amazing, strange things.-_

_/Are squiggles strange?/_

_#Yes, but I wouldn't class them as amazing.#_

_-Squiggles are squiggly!-_

_#Okay, you just lost our respect with that last statement.#_

Bakura frowned as he tried to follow the confusing conversation the little voices in his head were having. All he'd wanted to know was what the box thing was....

_/I do believe Bakura's bored./_

_#So?#_

_/We, as his mind, should amuse him./_

_#Okay...what d'you want to do?#_

_-WAIT! We're busy!-_

_#/ Doing what?/#_

_-We're busy robbing the Pharoah's house, remember?-_

_#/ Oh yeah... /#_

_(Let's rob then!)_

Bakura moved to put the box thing in his sack (where he was keeping all his 'booty' for the time being), but the item in his hand _moved._

Bakura yelped, dropped the box on the floor and fled behind the sofa.

_(Is it gone yet?)_

_#How should we know? You're the one with the body!#_

_/Go look!/_

Bakura peered around the edge of the sofa and looked at the box in the middle of the floor. The box wasn't moving any more.

_(It's not moving.)_

_-We noticed.-_

_#Go and check on it.#_

_(I can check on it from here.)_

_/Scaredy-cat./_

_(Am not.)_

_#Are too.#_

_-You're afraid of a BOX?!-_

_/The great Thief King Bakura is afraid of a BOX!/_

That did it. Bakura was not going to be called a coward by anyone, least of all himself. The albino crept stealthily up to the now-unmoving box. He peered at it.

_(There, see? It's fine.)_

_#Pick it up and put it in your sack.#_

_(Do I have to?)_

_/Yes./_

_(Fine.)_ The tomb-robber took a deep breath, bent down, scooped up the box, and held it in his hand tightly, afraid it would move again. It didn't.

_(THERE!)_

_#All that fuss over nothing.#_

_/Absoulutely nothing./_

_-Yeah, we weren't afraid of the box, were we? It was just an act.-_

_(Exactly.)_

Bakura grinned and inflated his chest. HE wasn't afraid of anything, oh no. He was the great Thief King Bakura and nothing could scare him, least of all a little box in his hand. Least of all a little box that was_...beeping...and moving..._

_-#/(AARGH!!!!!)/#- _Bakura bolted out of the house like a shot (he opened the front door) and sprinted down the street like the hounds of hell were after him.

* * *

"So what do you think then? Chocolate, or Vanilla?" Yugi asked his darker half.

"Ummm... Chocolate. We didn't have that in Eygpt." Yami answered as they walked along.

The smaller duelist was stunned. "You didn't have _CHOCOLATE?!"_

Yami grinned. "Nope, we couldn't have had it if we tried. It would have just melted straight away."

Yugi had been about to answer but a white blur raced along and smacked straight into them. "OOF!"

* * *

Yugi, who had only been knocked over, got to his feet. His eyes opened wide at the scene before him.

Yami lay sprawled on the pavement with the white blur straddling him and curling up against his chest. Yes, it was accidental, but Yami was going to kill the white blur for the position they were now in. Especially since the white blur was _Bakura.

* * *

_

"Ow..." Yami groaned as he struggled to sit up, and failed. Something was pinning him to the pavement. Yami opened his eyes and found his nose buried in fluffy white hair. That meant it could be one of two people but, judging by his hikari's face (who was looking absoulutely horrorstruck) it was only one person. And, also judging from Yugi's face, he seemed to be in a very... _suggestive _position with the owner of the hair. Yami groaned. This was not good.

The person on his chest didn't seem to be fairing much better. "Ouch..." They nuzzled Yami's neck. Yami went flame red.

* * *

_#Stupid.#_

_/Yeah, who in their right minds runs into a wall?/_

_(Me. And it HURT.)_

_-Uh guys?-_

_(What?)_

_-I'd go check on the 'wall', you ran into.-_

_(Why?)_

_-It doesn't appear to be a wall.-_

_#Oh dear.#_

_/My sentiments exactly./_

_(So what exactly am I lying on?)_

_-I'd be working along the lines of 'who' we're lying on.-_

_#Do we really want to know?#_

_/Especially with the position you seem to be in./_

Bakura suddenly realised what position he was in. Here he was, in the middle of the pavement, his nose buried in the crook of someone's neck, his arms draped loosely arond that stranger's shoulders, and him straddling the stranger to the pavement. The _male _stranger.

_(Oh shit.)_

...And now something was prodding him in the stomach. Something which seemed to feel suspiciously like a pyramid...

_(Our Father, who art in heaven...)_

A deep voice hissd in his ear, "Bakura, if you do not get off me, _right now, _I will personally make you wish you'd never been born."

* * *

Bakura squeaked and slowly got up, his face a crimson hue. "Does a sorry help?"

_/We're doomed./_

_-Done for.-_

_#Dead.#_

_/We're goners./_

_-Our ashes will scatter to the four corners of the earth on the winds of time...-_

_#It's all his fault.#_

_/Goodbye cruel world!/_

_-Hey! That was going to be my line!-

* * *

_

Yami got up from the pavement, his cheeks also a fiery red, and glared at the Thief King. "No! What the hell were you doing running around the corner like that?!"

The albino cringed. "Fleeing."

"From what?!" Growled the former ruler.

"It was an evil box thing!"

_/Did that sound as lame as I thought it sounded?/_

_#Yup.#_

_/We're dead./_

_-We agreed on that a few minutes ago.-_

Yami looked like he was going to kill the tomb-robber. "WHAT box thing?"

Bakura squeaked, and launched into his tale of the box that attacked him. "The evil shiny box thing that looks pretty and uses the science of squiggles and it came after me brandishing a pointy stick that's going to kill me because it's got murderous intent and doesn't like me and I only looked at it and it beeped and started attacking me for no reason whatsoever and pretty please can't dear, sweet, little Yugi go in and kill it? After all it's in your house so you must know how to tame it because you're so nice and won't let the evil beepy thingy of doom that hates me for no apparent reason get me?"

The pharoah followed the tale as best as he could. "Wait! It's in our house?"

Bakura nodded.

Yugi looked suspiciously at the albino. "What were you doing in our house?"

"I-er..."

_(Help!)_

_#You were...admiring the scenery?#_

Bakura smiled relieved. "I was admiring the scenery."

"In our house?"

_(Oh dear..help?)_

_#I dunno...#_

_/I know! You thought you'd seen someone break in so you went to investigate!/_

_(Brilliant!)_

"I thought I saw someone breaking and entering so I decided to go and examine the premises to check no-one had stolen anything."

Yami didn't look convinced. "Riiight."

Bakura nodded. "I was doing my civic duty to my fellow citizens."

Yami still looked disbelieving.

"It's true!"

"Fine, we'll go back to our house and 'examine the premises.'"

Bakura sighed relieved.

"And you're coming with us."

_(Crap.)

* * *

_

"So where is this evil beepy thing of doom?" Yami asked sarcastically.

"In there..." Bakura pointed shakingly towards the living room.

Yugi looked at Yami, then at the tomb-robber. "I'll go in and look." He sighed. "You keep him here."

_/Bang goes escaping./_

_-Uh, guys?-_

_#Yeah?#_

_-What did we do with the sack where we were keeping all the stuff we'd already heisted?-_

_(We left it beside the box.)_

_-Won't they find it straight away and know we're lying?-_

_#Can't we jusy claim that was what the 'robber' had been about to take?#_

_/We can try./_

"If you tell anyone what happened outside I will kill you." Yami said.

Bakura glanced idly at the Pharoah, some of his former cockiness resurfacing. "Why would I want to? It didn't exactly make my day either!"

"Just don't." The ruler growled.

"Fine." The albino snapped.

_#We wouldn't do that, anyway.#_

_/It could be used as blackmail against us!/_

_-We'd never live it down!-_

_#Being caught with his royal all-mightiness like THAT. It doesn't bear thinking about.#_

_-At least it embarrassed the hedgehogs.-_

_/It embarrassed us too though!/_

_(I didn't enjoy being like that!)_

_#Are you sure? You didn't seem very eager to get off.#_

_(What are you implying?!)_

_#Nothing...#_

Bakura's mind's babble was cut off by the re-entry of Yugi.

The small boy held up the shiny box. "Bakura, is this what you were talking about?"

The tomb-robber ducked behind Yami. "Don't let it get me!" He wailed.

The two tri-haired teens looked at each other. Yami smirked and Yugi smiled.

"'Snot funny! It attacked for no reason whatsoever with it's pointy stick and it beeped at me and it has murderous _intent!"_ Bakura cried and huddled further behind Yami.

The former ruler stepped out of the way. "Bakura, I very much doubt the _phone _attacked you."

"The WHAT?!"

Yugi grinned. "Bakura you can be really daft sometimes. This," He held up the shiny box. "Is a mobile phone. You carry it around with you."

Yami shook his head. "Oh baka."

"It's a _PHONE?!"_

_-Well, how were we meant to know that?-_

_#It's not exactly OUR fault.#_

The albino was stunned. "But it moved to attack me! And it beeped at me!"

Yami smirked and explained like he was talking to a five year old. "Thief, the mobile is set to vibrate. When someone calls, the phone beeps and vibrates."

"Oh."

"Now," Yami's eyes glinted and Bakura gulped. He recognised that glint. _(Trouble...) _"Bakura, since we've safely established that a phone beeped at you and you ran screaming form the house like a girl, WHAT WERE YOU DOING HERE?"

_-Y'know, I don't think saying we were sightseeing is going to work.-_

_#You think?#

* * *

_

Shadow: There.

Marik: WE DID IT!!!!

Shadow: Correction, I did it. You were too busy 'boingying'.

Marik: But I boingyed so well!

Shadow: (sighs) You've got to love 'im.

Marik: (nods) Exactamundo.

Shadow: Now, behave! Or otherwise I'll talk to Krista123 and she'll send the millenium toilet after you again! And after that we'll have a nice chat with Jade Cade!

Marik: (cringes) I'll be good.

Shadow: (smiles) That's better. Now to any sad person that has reached this point in my mindless babble, you must have time to waste. As you have so much time to waste please make my day by clicking that wonderful blue button down there and reviewing. I do accept anonymous reviews, so please, REVIEW!!! It makes us so happy. I'm sorry I'm not uploading Four Hours, I'm having problems trying to get it to work/sound right. I'll have it updayed in about two/three weeks. Sorry it can't be quicker...but that's the way it is. Bye!

Marik: Boingyboingyboingyboi...


End file.
